People, like media, come in all shapes and forms these days and it’s important to know what kind of media consumer you are, and, more importantly, what kind of media consumer you may be confronted with at work, school, or in conversation with in any circumstance. IdleGuy.com offers this handy guide to media consumer types as a public service. You’re welcome!

TYPE: Overtly Voracious

General overview: The Overtly Voracious or OVs, as they will become known, are the kind of people who typically have too much time on their hands, too much money, and too many opinions, most of which aren’t; theirs.

Media consumption habits: Has subscriptions to at least seven different streaming services, 127 substacks, owns 19 TVs, 12 computers, 8 radios, 4 cell phones, a couple of handheld reading devices like Amazon’s Kindle, all of which are on constantly, spewing out all manner of information, most of which never reaches the OV.

Know one when you see one: An OV will be either excessively overweight or morbidly obese or thin to the point of anorexia, but nothing in between. One decisive factor in determining if a person is an OV is their scent. They stink because they are so consumed by consuming media they ignore basic functions like bathing, showering, brushing their teeth, or combing their hair.

Additionally, OVs can be readily identified by incessant babbling in public, talking to themselves about the latest fad, trend, or TV entertainment. If engaged in conversation, they will be prone to repeating jingles, catch-phrases and slogans of the most popular shows and advertisements.

Hobbies: None. Consuming media is the entirety of their existence.

TYPE: Steps To The Left

General overview: Steps to the Lefts (STTLs) are people drawn to liberal points of view, be they political, economic, or socially-defined. They will almost always do things normal people would not, such as glue themselves to roads in protest of just about anything or throw bricks for seemingly no good reason. They believe they have a superior world view because they saw it on some liberal TV show, on the internet, or heard it on NPR.

Media consumption habits: STTLs are serious consumers of CNN, Cable (as long as it is MSNBC) and public radio. Anything free appeals to them, so internet videos provide much of the basis for their opinions. Subscriptions to the Washington Post or New York Times are common.

Know one when you see one: The dead giveaway for any STTL is their clothing. Males typically will be wearing jeans, or overalls, often tights, and prefer long hair and beards. They are generally disheveled and alert. Females can be identified by colorful hair, braids, long skirts (mostly denim) and flamboyant apparel, especially hats with slogans or LGBTQ++ slogans or flags. STTLs drive “sensible” cars, like Volvos or Subarus, which are often plastered with stickers and emblems of every known liberal cause, from saving whales, Palestine, the planet, to old Al Gore photos, oil slicks, and pride symbols.

Hobbies: Making fun of conservatives, basket weaving, yelling, homosexuality, imitating tribal dances, drumming, protesting, marching, acting stupid.

TYPE: Right is Might

General overview: Right is Mights or RIMs, are a group of media consumers who are conditioned by anything they are either told is conservative or actually is a conservative point of view. They believe in some form of God, think family is important and are extremely patriotic, to the point of blind compulsion. They believe they are never wrong as their leaders and voices come directly from God and they idolize anybody who lambastes what they conceive to be the left.

Media consumption habits: Fox News. That’s about all they can handle.

Know one when you see one: Identifying RIMs is relatively easy. They’re either dressed like your typical soccer mom or working stiff dad. Either that or they’re riding a Harley-Davison motorcycle, are over 60 and wear leather jackets with cycle club symbols on them. Many of them will be carrying children and/or firearms. Other than choppers, they drive SUVs, mostly American-made. They are easily angered and can be persuaded to do just about anything or support any cause as long as it’s considered “conservative.” When confronted by a RIM, check their breath. Many have been known to be alcoholics, because “it’s not weed, man.”

Hobbies: Masturbation, self-hatred, spouse-beating, target practice, hunting, fishing, attending church and political rallies, sports, boasting about themselves or their kids.

TYPE: Internet Only

General overview: Internet Onlys (IOs) get their news and information entirely from the internet, either by cell phone or computer. As such, they are not subject to the usual propaganda from the mainstream media, which is to their credit. However, their views can be often slanted by deep fakes or crackpots posing as actual authorities on subjects from economics, to politics, to the latest fads. Since they don’t watch TV very much or even at all, they’re somewhat out of the mainstream, and they like it that way.

Media consumption habits: Google, YouTube, Substack, maybe even some paid subscriptions to their favorite areas of interest.

Know one when you see one: The IOs who stare at cellphones or computer screens too much may have glazed eyes and/or very pale facial features. A dead give-away for Internet Only types are the ones who have their cell phone to their ear or in their face all the time, at lunch, dinner, on the job, walking down the street. Some have been hit by cars, others have walked into walls. For the most part, however, they appear normal, until engaged in conversation about anything controversial as they will always have divergent opinions.

Hobbies: Not watching TV, polishing their fingernails, porn (pretty much unavoidable), unemployment, laziness, sleep.

TYPE: Mainstream Only

General overview: Mainstream Only, or MOs, are people who will only watch the traditional network offerings from ABC, NBC, CBS, and maybe FOX, which they consider late to the party. They are confident in their views, since they have been shaped by hours and hours of propaganda from the “most trusted sources.” Anything that wasn’t reported on one of the major networks is likely to be considered by them to be “conspiracy theory”, “disinformation”, or straight from Communist China, or worse, Russia.

Media consumption habits: ABC, NBC, CBS. Possibly cable, like CNBC, or Disney Channel.

Know one when you see one: MOs are entirely straight-laced, dis-humorous to the point of being boring or repulsive. They have no opinions of their own and are devoid of critical thinking. Many of them have lost the ability to read. They can be identified by blank stares, dull wits, parroting whatever they saw last night on the evening news. While they are generally not dangerous, they do take up valuable space. They drive new cars and trucks, get vaccinated regularly and most of them are on some kind of prescription medication because that’s what the V told them to do.

Hobbies: Ignorance.

TYPE: Serially Misinformed

General overview: The Serially Misinformed, or SMs, are the kind of people from which P.T. Barnum made multiple fortunes: suckers, one born every minute. Because they are so gullible, they’re the kind of people who fall for the Nigerian prince scams and are sold on any kind of snake oil they come across, mostly on the internet. Having a deficit in intelligence, they can’t tell the difference from AI and what’s real.

Media consumption habits: Many internet views on YouTube, Facebook, Rumble, Odyssey, and other fringe outlets. Big fans of Glen Beck, Vince Lanci, and Tom Luongo.

Know one when you see one: Delusional, in a perpetual state of reality altered by patently-false views. They may suffer from wearing Virtual Reality gear too often or for too long periods of time. They’re so sold on their own convoluted conspiracy points of view, they may question your existence, or their own. Dangerous to themselves and others, they can be identified by extremely wrong perceptions of reality, though they may look normal at first glance. Beware.

Hobbies: WWF, WWE, anything fake, fad diets, penny stock investing, chain letters, eating Tide pods.

Your ad could be in the next issue of idleguy.com for as little as $6 per month. Contact Fearless Rick using the form on page 12 for more information.

Visit the IDLEGUY.COM MARKETPLACE for vintage magazines, Swell Gifts for Guys and other masculine merchandise.

Got something to sell? Registration is free and there are no fees to sell on the idleguy.com marketplace.