Back in the day, like mid- to late-80s, Fearless Rick used to publish a column called "Reviews of Movies I Haven't Seen."

Well, if past is prologue, here we go again, or to take Yogi Berra's word for it, "It's deja vu all over again."

Three movies have been big hits this summer: Barbie, Oppenheimer, and Sound of Freedom. While most people have heard of the first two, and probably have seen them, Sound of Freedom, an independent film about human trafficking, is probably, long run, going to kick the other two's Hollywood asses straight back to Compton.

OK, let's go.

Barbie

Let's dispense with the obligatory WTF? commentary about a movie based on a fucking doll. We all know what Barbie is all about. She's a 10 inch piece of plastic with tits and ass and arms that move (well, that's always a good thing) that the Mattel Company made billions on, selling dolls and clothes and all kinds of paraphernalia to the parents of little girls over the years.

Barbie's been around since before I was born, or at least as long as I can remember, so it was pretty much high time they did a movie about her. It's kind of fitting, with the advent of AI, that movie-goers would be treated to an artificial woman. After all, Disney, that woke gaggle of groomers, made Stan Lee a billionaire, buying out the entirety of Marvel Comics, turned them into movies, warped TF out of the characters, made them social justice warriors and made boatloads of $$$$.

I don't know which group of fat, useless, rich producers financed this pile of crap, and, mind you, I haven't seen, probably won't but I've heard is fully woke as hell. Ken is completely cucked, a slave to his unrequited passion for Barbie, so he gets to act like the communists wish all men would, transparent, superficial, obedient, naive, stupid. I'm not sure, but there's probably a scene in which he kisses Barbie's ass. Is there any tonguing involved?

OK, if your daughters and their friends make you endure the 63 to 78 minutes of this barf-fest, you certainly earned it. Giving credit where credit is due, my brother-in-law (yeah, there's only one, thankfully) wouldn't let his three daughters play with Barbies. Despite his liberal leanings, he always had a knack for doing things right.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I give Barbie a -13, although I've heard that the lady who plays Barbie, Margot Robbie, is worth the price of admission, just for drooling points. She sure looked good in that bathtub scene in "The Big Short." Yum.

Oppenheimer

One has to assume that this movie was made for Jews, Jew haters, Nazis, BLM, neocons, Japanese people, scientists, astrophysicists, anybody who worked on the Manhattan project, people from Lockheed Martin, Martin Sheen, My Favorite Martian, Martini & Rossi, Rowan and Martin, Elon Musk, Mark Cuban, Richard Branson, Jeff Bezos, and a few other people who should be long dead or at least doing time for unspeakable war crimes. That's not a complete list, but it's close.

I mean, Who TF wants to see a movie about rockets. Come on, there's Fast and Furious 1,467,823, some superhero shit, and probably a Green Hornet or Batman movie that would put this film to shame.

Of course, since it's going to be hailed as some kind of human tragedy or insight into a very complex man, it will win Oscars galore if writers and actors can scrape up enough money to get a ticket to the Academy Awards next Spring, if there is a next Spring, we have donuts, daman spell-checker, DOUBTS. And that is what this movie is probably all about. Doubt. Doubting whether the best and brightest can complete the task of building an atom bomb before the damn Nazis or Japs take over the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD.

Shit. I know I got tired of World War II movies around 1963. Do we really need another? It ended 78 years ago. Maybe this movie is about morality. I certainly hope not because nobody seems to have any these days.

On a scale of 1 to 2, I give this movie a two, because you're supposed to like it, lap it up, lick it. You are supposed to comply, peon. GTFO. Nobody should have to pay $8 to witness neocon wet dreams.

Sound of Freedom

I might actually try to see this film, because I've heard it was sensational. Of course, we're not supposed to talk about human trafficking, much less make a movie about it. We're supposed to just let rich mutherfuckers do whatever they please with ordinary people, kids, animals, and whatever other species with which they can get jollies off.

This is likely a great film, and the producers ought to get the Presidential Medal of Freedom, but, being there isn't a sitting president who's been duly elected right now, they're probably better off hiding in North Korea, or Nepal, or Argentina because they weren't supposed to be able to do this.

Everybody who sees this film will be on a list, somewhere. We're all on somebody's list. Get used to it. But, that's OK. Imagine how many lists Alex Jones is on, like a million? Why bother? Everybody knows where he is and what he's about. It's actually amazing he's not dead.

Since this film is probably about rich people North of Richmond doing unforgivable things to innocent people, it's probably worth seeing. Nothing will come of it. Nobody has any fucking balls anymore.

OK, I didn't have time to review any books, but there are a lot of them out there that most people haven't read. I suggest starting with the Harvard Classics and working backwards toward "The Cat in the Hat." By the time you're 45, you be almost erudite.

Someday, in a space similar to this, there will be video game reviews, podcast reviews, car road tests, and all manner of really cool things being criticized or praised for merit, not political correctness.

Thanks for playing,

Fearless Rick